3 months with Simon

It's kind of hard to believe but three months ago today -- Tuesday, April 6, 2010 -- we met Simon Kebebe for the first time. What a surreal experience. Mark and I agree ... it seems like just yesterday and yet it kind of feels like it was years ago!

I don't know if you noticed or not, but I never really blogged about our trip. We came home exhausted from jet lag and the overall experience of being in Africa while also trying to keep up with a very busy 18 month old. But it was also a very emotional experience ... meeting Simon for the first time and truly feeling the 'weight' of becoming a parent; a parent to a very special little boy who probably won't remember his birth country and life before being with us if we don't keep those memories alive for him. And we take this very seriously and really want to help Simon stay connected to Ethiopia, at least as much or as little as he wants to throughout different times in his life.

We loved the people we met in Ethiopia. Abel our guide was incredible -- soft-spoken, kind, caring and ambitious. He helped us to learn about the Ethiopian culture, patiently answered our curious questions, helped us with Simon when we didn't understand what he was trying to communicate with us and simply helped to make our time in Ethiopia one we won't forget. Abel also showed us what it means to 'mirror' how Ethiopians talk with and treat one another ... intently listening, sharing quiet conversation and always showing respect to others. When our agency's ET program director told us to be mindful of how noisy and disrespectful Americans can be and to try to mirror Ethiopians in our interactions with others, we learned this from Abel and his quiet leadership. It was Abel who took us to meet Simon Kebebe and took all of the many wonderful photos that we have of our first meeting. We are indebted to him!

So without further delay ... I'm going to try to post about our time in Ethiopia over the next week or two. Now that we've been with Simon for three months, I think that I am ready emotionally to share about the trip. I want to re-visit our experiences so that I can help to keep the stories alive for Simon. He's growing and starting to talk more and more ... it won't be long until he's asking us questions, I'm sure.

We arrived in Ethiopia on Tuesday morning. Abel took us to our guest house so that we could shower, get settled and have some lunch. We were exhausted from the travel and the whirlwind time of getting out the door for our trip but also extremely excited -- and nervous -- to meet Simon.

The orphanage wasn't far from our guest house ... probably about 2 miles away behind the Home Depot. Seriously! Isn't that funny? That was our landmark to know that we were close. When we arrived, we were told that Kebebe had just woken up from his nap and it would be a few minutes until he was ready to meet us. Here's a photo of us waiting ... it was overwhelming to realize that he was just inside the door behind us!


Abel came and took us inside when Simon Kebebe was ready. He was sitting in a large room, off in a corner by himself but surrounded by a variety of little toys, along with the recordable story book we had sent him. In the corner opposite of him sat two of his nannies, both quietly crying and watching our every move. Simon kept his eyes on us for the most part but would glance over at the nannies too, probably wondering what on earth was going on. Later on, as Mark tried to get Simon to smile (and eventually he did smile!), he would glance at the nannies with his little lips tightly together trying not to smile -- almost as if he was looking to them to tell him it was ok to smile. Here's a photo of him sitting and waiting for us.

There was no formality nor a big fuss when we met Simon ... just us sitting on the floor, trying to inch closer and closer to him until I could finally pick him up. We took along bubbles, some blow-up beach balls and two little trucks. He held onto those trucks very tightly for most of the time we were in Ethiopia. After we played with him for about 20 minutes, we got up to leave. Both nannies gave him hugs and kisses before we left. It made me cry because I could see how much they loved him. Simon didn't really have a reaction ... I think that he was probably in shock about what was happening and showed no response.

When we returned to the guest house, we sat on our bed and played with some of the toys we brought. We owe a huge thank you to the Ponsler's for the little laptop that they gave to us as a gift. This helped to break the ice with Simon ... we got a few more smiles and a few little jibber-jabbers, too, though for the most part, he remained very serious.

You can see in the photo above that Simon is dressed in layers. It is our understanding that in Ethiopian culture, children are dressed in layers and very warmly for the first few years of their lives. We thought it was pretty warm that day, especially in our room at the guest house, so we took off his jean jacket. Simon didn't like that and it was that moment that we saw his emotions. His little lower lip stuck out and his pout turned into tears. His cries were coming from deep inside of him ... we know that he was grieving and scared. It made me cry too. And honestly, this was the one moment where I wondered if we were doing the right thing by taking him from everything he had ever known. We wanted Simon so badly but I felt so awful in that moment ... deeply sad for Simon and how he didn't choose to be in that moment like we did; sad that he was scared and I couldn't explain anything to him. I just held him until he calmed down.

Birtukan, the owner of our guest house, suggested that we should give Simon a bath and put on some of the clothing we brought for him. She said that this would help him to bond with us and signal to him that we would take care of him. Birtukan is the mother of four children, runs the Morning Coffee Guest House, and is the founder of Yezelalem Minch, a program that sponsors a weekly feeding program for over 720 women and children, an orphanage, a family preservation program, and a women's coffee cooperative. She is amazing! She has helped many families begin the bonding process with their new children.

Simon didn't like the bath tub AT ALL. He cried when Mark tried to sit him down in the tub. We later realized that he had probably only had showers/been hosed off in the past but we didn't know that at the time. After his bath, we dressed him in the romper that Mark picked-out the day we received our referral for Simon. Then we played on the bed again. Simon loved Mark's watch and bracelet and also carried them around for much of our time in ET. It's amazing he didn't lose them! Doesn't Simon look so small in this photo? He seems so much bigger to us now, even though he hasn't physically changed very much. I think it's probably because his personality is so much larger and livlier now!

After playing in our room for a time, we went outside to the guest house courtyard. Simon enjoyed exploring his new surroundings, playing with the blow-up beach balls and his trucks. He also liked to stand by the iron gate at the guest house and play with the knobs and handles. He let me hold him quite a bit, which I loved. His walking was good but his running was like controlled falling -- made this new Mama nervous! Overall, we felt pretty good about our first day together.

Here's an excerpt from my e-mail to family and friends from that day:

We had traditional ET food for dinner and it was delicious. Simon ate a ton! He would open his mouth and make a little noise when he wanted more. It was really cute! He esp. loved the spinach dish. He loves the little trucks we brought and he knows how to give high 5's. He likes to study everything and takes it all in. He calls me 'emma' which means 'caretaker'. Birtukan at our guest house is trying to help him call us mama and papa. Mark is currently changing his first diaper while I am sending this note! And then getting him into pjs. We feel pretty good about our first few hours with him. He's smiling more and more and babbling more and more. He is a sweetheart! We'll see how our first night goes.
We are falling in love with Simon and we hope he will continue to grow fond of us too. The electricity is out and we are running on battery power so I better go. Thank you for thinking of us!

So there you go ... like I said, we can't believe it's been three months already! I'll post more about our trip in the next few days.